Doomed if I do, doomed if I don't

ASK BVKS | April 20, 2014 |

English; Rishikesh, Uttarakhand, India

Question:

I am a brahmacari for more than nine years and have taken a role of guiding others. I have a problem of not being able to follow the brahmacari vows very strictly. I do not go out with women directly but every few months I just break the principle on my own. I just can't control it. It is too powerful a force. Then I somehow come to my senses again and make a firm vow to never again fall prey to my crazy mind. But then again I fell victim.

I am generally a very happy person and I have no desire for home, opulence, wife, kids, etc. I just have this strong sexual impulse - occasionally. All those who know me encourage me to just continue with my preaching and not to change anything. I have crossed 30 years. According to my horoscope it will be a disaster if I enter into grhasta asrama. I know it sounds like FAQ - "brahmacari or grihasta question", but in my case it seems like a "Doomed if I do, doomed if I don't" situation. I don't like to cheat myself and others. Please kindly advise me.

Answer by HH Bhakti Vikāsa Swami:

Tough one. Uuhh. Tough one in as much as devotees are encouraging you to go on, because how many devotees are in Germany who are taking position of spiritual leadership which you are doing. Preaching, that’s spiritual leadership, but you have a weakness which is very difficult to overcome, and don’t like to cheat others. 

Well, what are the alternatives? You can go on preaching and people will be benefited by that. You can get married and it’ll be a disaster, so we learn from the horoscope. Although you could consult another astrologer, but like I say, you don’t have to consult an astrologer because in almost every case entering into the gṛhastha-āśrama is a disaster, especially in the Western world. And yeah, in Germany, as in pretty much all the Western world, there’s no idea of what married life should be like, either among the non-devotees or devotees. So entering into the gṛhastha-āśrama doesn’t sound like a good idea when no one knows what they should be doing. It’s generally a disaster. So doomed if you do, doomed if you don’t. Well, in Kṛṣṇa consciousness it’s glorious if you do and doomed if you don’t. So, despite that very severe weakness, it would seem better to take that advice just to go on. Don’t take sannyāsa. And maybe you could wear white if you don’t feel comfortable in saffron cloth. Keep strong association as far as possible. I’m assured you’re doing all the things that are required. Have to pray. 

Pray to Nṛsiṁhadeva:

oṁ namo bhagavate narasiṁhāya namas tejas-tejase āvir-āvirbhava 

vajra-nakha vajra-daṁṣṭra karmāśayān randhaya randhaya tamo grasa 

grasa om svāhā; abhayam abhayam ātmani bhūyiṣṭhā oṁ kṣraum (SB 5.18.8)

Pray to Nṛsiṁhadeva to remove the material desires from our heart. There’s no easy solution. The easy solution is take shelter of Kṛṣṇa.

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My brother is having his wedding in the summer time on the east coast. I truly don’t want anything to do with weddings and especially those of materialists. I am close with my brother as him and his fiancé are both sweet people. (vegetarians, "half-devotees"). He comes to the temple for festivals and lets me use his facilities as I like (he lives in one of best book distribution places) Boulder, CO. Anyway, I’m saying all this because I truly just don’t know what to do. They really want me to go but I know it will be like hell and so painful to be around all the materialists eating, drinking, and being merry.

ANSWER by HH Bhakti Vikasa Swami: 

"Well, that’s good enough reason to go because, hopefully, in the normal course of events people only get married once in their life. So, it’s a big thing.

Maybe in America it’s 1.5 times or something like that, by average. Of course, you can’t get married 1.5 times, but on average... Or maybe it’s 2.5. I don’t know. Or maybe it’s just 1 because so many people get divorced and so many people don’t get married at all. It doesn’t mean they’ve all became monks. They are vyabhicari (unchaste). They are having sexual liaisons without marrying. So, that’s a good reason to go.

Babhru Prabhu is concerned about: I have to go...and all those materialistic people...

Well, it could also be a good preaching opportunity and as much as you are there, and you are a devotee, they’ll ask you few questions: Why do you like this? And you can explain to them. You could take books, and distribute them also. So, anyway, you have to decide.

I’m not gonna decide for you. It’s the other side of the country. America is a big country. I think more than twice as big as India. So, you can imagine. But, anyway, you can fly around. You have to have money. So, anyway, you decide what to do.

I wouldn’t go because I’m a sannyasi. But you are not. So, you can take an opportunity to please your brother, help him, give him some encouragement in devotional service. You can give him a set of Srila Prabhupada’s books. It’s a great wedding gift.

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So, give a set of Bhagavatam. It’s a great gift. That’s my advice, as you’ve asked for it, but it’s up to you.

Hare Krishna!"

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