nama om visnu-padaya krsna-presthaya bhu-tale

srimate bhaktivedanta-svaminn iti namine

namas te sarasvate deve gaura-vani-pracarine

nirvisesa-sunyavadi-pascatya-desa-tarine

 

Most worshipable Srila Prabhupada!

Life after life I have struggled to attain sense gratification, prestige, and the attention of women – but all I got was more struggle. Only by your mercy could I understand that the desire to enjoy this world binds one to its miseries.

Life after life I have struggled to maintain useless bodies, one after another. And I now struggle to keep my present body healthy, fit, and active – which for most people, including myself, is not perceived as a struggle until reaching the threshold of old age, when it becomes an increasing struggle to do so.

Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakura cried out in helplessness: “I had so many hopes, but all were dashed. Now in old age, my only hope is you, Krsna.”[1] As old age approaches, I pray to call out like Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakura, taking Krsna as my only hope. Or to accept old age as did you, Srila Prabhupada: as an impetus to preach more vigorously for fulfilling the mandate received from sri-guru.

“I have wasted my life without sense gratification.” I could think like that, but now it is too late. My body is shriveled and clearly in decline. Still I must beware. Srila Prabhupada, please save me from the maya of thinking “Enjoy now, better late than never.”

You wrenched me from the struggle of trying to be happy within the world of misery. You gave me a new life of striving for pure consciousness, but even now I struggle to keep the mind free from lower thoughts. Please bless me, Srila Prabhupada, when mayais pushing so hard that she seems impossible to resist, to remember that I am your property and have no right to attempt to indulge in sense gratification of any kind.

We glorify you principally because you gave us the truth, Krsna consciousness. You enjoined us to preach, which means to struggle against atheists, demons, karmis, Mayavadis, and all other purveyors of untruth. Thankyou, Srila Prabhupada, for forcing me into this struggle. I used to think only of my own welfare, but you insisted that we must try to help others, as you have helped us. You struggled to give Krsna consciousness to a world that was not asking for it. You are the greatest benefactor of human society. You are the ideal sadhu.

santa mahanto nivasanti santo

vasantaval loka-hitam carantah

tirnah svayam bhima-bhavarnavam janan

ahetun’anyan api tarayantah

“Being naturally good and peaceful, great men live for the welfare of all. Having themselves crossed the terrible ocean of material existence, they, with no ulterior motive, also help others to cross.” (Viveka-cudamani 37)

Srila Prabhupada, people talk of “being themselves” but I don’t want to be the person I was before meeting you. I want to be like you, a pure devotee of Krsna. Being like you would actually be “being myself,” for you have taught me what I really should be: a pure swanlike devotee like you.

Srila Prabhupada, as you well know, there are also struggles within ISKCON. Although you have mercifully blessed me to not struggle for prestige and position, there remains the struggle to maintain integrity and direction. I humbly request you to help mealways remember that you are nondifferent from the actual ISKCON that is your creation, and thus to remain sanein a society that now in many ways differs from the ISKCON you gave us. I also struggle with certain disciples who don’t really want to be disciples or who struggle to remain in Krsna consciousness.

Save me, Srila Prabhupada!from the maya of thinking that you are to be remembered only twice a year, on your appearance and disappearance days. You are the life of my life. Without you I am dead. You taught us how to be alive, in constant touch with you, by adhering to your orders in every moment of life. I always craveyour mercy, withoutwhich I am doomed to unending useless struggle.

Struggling always to catch your glorious feet,

Your eternal servant,

Bhakti Vikasa Swami

 

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My struggle and that of others, is to keep the actual teachings, mission, and spirit of Srila Prabhupada alive.